the old and in with the new? It was more like out with the
decent and in with the bullshit. The magazine became a breeding
ground for ignorance with a collection of nitwits, nerds,
dweebs, nerds, losers, asswipes, bottom-feeders, dolts, dickwads,
turds, and parasites talking loads of shit about things they
knew nothing about. Rejects with names like "Shew,"
Krispy," and "Mansmilk" knew hardly a thing
about games (or their genres), yet they had so much to say.
Overall, they did a great job...misinforming the public as
they unfairly "reviewed" countless games across
various platforms. And don't forget their columns of recycled
garbage and meaningless rambling that were a complete waste
of the paper they were printed on. I don't care about some
nerd shaking his cob to E3 booth girls.
importantly, why the fuck would anybody take advice on anything
(let alone games) from some motherfucker called, "Krispy?"
If his brothers "Soggy" and "Slimy" wrote
for EGM, would people listen to them, too? What the fuck;
does anyone have a mind of their own? Evidently not (because
they lasted this long), and I can't believe all the people
who were duped by these idiots. Truly loyal fans can smell
out a lie like fresh shit, and all the lies EGM told over
the years stunk to high hell then, and still do now. The magazine
had turned into nothing more than a machine to manipulate
sales and profit, with white-collar criminals "Shew"
and "Krispy" at the helm. I've wanted to plant my
fist between their eyes for a long, long time.
obvious is when Capcom put out several high-quality games
across the baord, and EGM couldn't acknowledge the incredible
amount of quality from a single developer in a single
year. They turned to finding fault in trivial crap that
nobody cared about, and then used the rating scale disproportionately.
The absurdity reached its peak when Strider 2 (a PlayStation
masterpiece) was panned just for having infinite continues,
and Tech Romancer (a highly-underrated PlayStation-based mech
fighter) because of the way Capcom rendered plumes of smoke.
This was how they treated the sequel to their 1989 "Game
Of The Year" (Strider)? If they had any loyalty, Strider
2 would have been their 1999 "Game Of The Year."
These are just the Capcom examples; so many other great games
from so many other great developers got lost in the cracks
of EGM's unfair "professional reviews."
were too busy fumbling with trivial matters (that include
trying to remember actual game titles). They would make comparisons
to games they didn't even know the names to, and in more cases
completely misinform the public on gameplay and contents!
There are too many to list, but some prime examples of this
can be found in shit they wrote on Capcom's VS fighting games.
They scored Street Fighter Alpha 3 Saikyo Dojo (a DreamCast
masterpiece) low back then, and now anything that's Capcom
fighting is all the rage? And to add insult to injury, they
paid no respect to the downloadable content the game offered;
a feature common and praised now, but not so common and without
praise back then. After years and years of badmouthing SF,
it was sickeningly hypocritical of them make SFIV the cover
of their last issue (yeah, the one that never actually made
it to the printing press). I call bullshit on a legion of
fakes and cons who deserve to be prosecuted for conflict of
know that they're "only games," but did they?
I tell it like it is; straight. On this site, we admit that
we're biased, and proud of it. Did they? No. Until the end,
they were incredibly biased, but never admitted to it. It
was ridiculous seeing them claim that they reviewed games
so "fairly," and everyone believed it. They'd sit
there and rate two games from the same genre, bash one based
on certain points, and then turn around and praise the other
without even subjecting it to the same points applied to the
former. It was shit like this that baffled readers and developers
alike, and I hope it was one of the things that lead to their
collapse. With the shadow of doubt and suspicion cast on their
"professional reviews," the bottom had to fall out
some time, and it finally did in 2008.
editorial integrity on the line after being caught red-handed
for taking bribes, Criminal-in-Chief "Shew" spews
out some shit about game companies involved in foul play.
He names off Ubisoft, Sony, and Midway, but leaves out EA
and Square (both of which are notorious for their smug, "win
at all costs" attitude and shady business practices).
Yeah, because "foul-play" is a new concept, there
are only three companies guilty of it, and they are
definitely the ones he named. Give me a break. Pathetic idiots
far and wide sat in slack-jawed belief and gave "kudos"
while he packed shit down their throats. And it wasn't any
better back in the day; anyone who was a part of the scene
in the 16-bit era remembers how high EGM was hanging Bubsy's
nuts. The game was fucking atrocious, yet for reasons nobody
could understand, it was backed by such mad hype. A plethora
of other games of the time were more deserving of attention
for their artistry and ingenuity than Bubsy was. From this
case alone, it's not hard to see that even in the 16-bit era,
something was going on behind the scenes and it wasn't pretty.
Ironically, Bubsy wasn't so popular with EGM years later.